Dial 1-800-ASK-RevAL

"Hello.  You've reached the 'Reverend' Al Hotline.  How may I help you right the grievous wrong perpetrated on your black ass by white redneck racists?"

"Yeah, bro, this be Geroshe callin' from Tampa.  Me an' my main homey Lerome got ourselves in some s*** with the man down here, an' we need to know when you comin' to get us some justice."

"Dam', man, them's some names you got. Yo' mamas had a sense o' humor, huh?  I'll get to the spellin' later.  Tell the 'Rev' what happened."

"Well, they's four o' us, see, and we just walkin' down the street, mindin' our own bidnez, chillin', you know, when we see this dude walkin' towards us...."

"What time was this?"

"It was after three in the a.m.   Anyway, he just walkin' towards us, like he finna start some mess, you know?"

"There's one o' him and four o' you, and you thinkin' he gonna start something?"

"Yeah, well, he musta, cuz he not showin' any respect.  He just comin' on like he king o' the 'hood, you know?  You don' be comin' into our turf actin' like you belong, know what I mean?  Least he coulda done is cross over to the other side."

"And what did you do, then?"

"We axe him to give us a dollar, see what he does."

"And what did he do?"

"Man, dude thinks we serious!  He starts reaching for his wallet like we some panhandlers he gonna give some money.  First he in our 'hood, then he dissin' us, thinkin' we some poor bums or something.  We decide we gonna teach this cracker some respect."

"Let me guess.  You threw down on him."

"Well, yeah, what we s'posed to do?  We did a number on his ass.  Broke his nose, knocked out a tooth, left him lying in the street, took his wallet and cellphone.  He lucky we didn't pop a cap on him right there.  He won't be struttin' hisself 'round here no time soon, tell you that."

"Where did all this go down?"

"Down next to MacDill, you know, the air base.  Honky works there, some Army dude."

"Army dude?  You mean, he's in the Army?  He's a soldier?"

"Yeah, some sergeant, I hear.  So what?  He ain't got no bidnez here.  He needs to be over in Iraq or Afghan...Afghan...uh, that other place.  What's he doin' here, anyway, actin' all one percenter and s***?  He ain't none to me."

"Let me make sure I understand what went down.  You and three of your bros, out in the wee small, run into this soldier.  You ask him for money.  When he starts to give you some, you all beat the hell out of him and take his wallet and cellphone.  That pretty much it?"

"Yeah, man.  And now me an' Lerome is in the slam.  They tryin' to make us rat out the other two, but we holdin' tough.  You gotta come down an' get us out, man, afore they start waterboardin' us or some s***.  I mean, that's what you do ain't it?  Protect us black folks from the man?" 

"Okay, here's what I'm going to do.  You listening?  Listen real close, now."

"Yeah, 'Rev,' I be listenin'."

(Click)

Hey, everybody should have a dream.  This is one of mine.