Trans-genre Art

By now you've probably read that "Breaking Bad" is being made into an opera.  An opera!

Can't you just envision Heisenberg ripping off his filter mask after cooking his meth and bursting into a rousing, basso rendition of "Twilight Zone"?  Or Jesse skying to "Life in the Fast Lane"?  How 'bout "Better Call Saul" Goodman channeling Billy Flynn by singing "Razzle Dazzle"?  Pre-orders for the soundtrack will pour in!

But let's not stop with "Breaking Bad".  There are many other great stories out there just wanting for reinterpretation.  Here are my pitches:

"Saw, the Musical":  Victims regain consciousness to find themselves in straitjackets and locked in padded cells.  "Let's play a game," croons the puppet.  "You must sing 'MacArthur Park', word for word, within half an hour or you will be forced to listen to Yoko Ono, Joan Baez and Pete Seeger until you die!"  This'll be bigger than "Springtime for Hitler"!  Boffo box!  SRO!

"The Walking Dead on Ice":  Hapless couple is skating hand in hand on a forest pond.  Suddenly they are beset by zombies!  Picture dead bodies in various stages of decay skating with Frankenstein's monster awkwardness!  The perfect vehicle for an Ice Capades production!

I called my favorite Hollywood power broker to sell this next flash of sheer genious directly:

"Clint, I've come up with a treatment for turning 'Streetcar Named Desire' into a movie."

"Already been done."

"No, no.  Not like this.  Are you ready?  We film the ballet version!"

"Ballet?  Seriously?"

"Why not?  Ballet is the hot ticket, now.  The Scottish Ballet Troupe is already selling out their take on this all over the country.  I'm telling you, Clint, this is smokin'!  I see Best Picture Oscar!  You know how the Academy loves this kind of flick!"

"I don't know.  Where we gonna find a Marlon Brando-type who can squeeze into ballet tights and twirl on his toes?"

"Stay with me on this, Clint.  We don't!  We go a whole different direction.  Picture Johnny Weir as Stanley!  Is that brilliant, or what.  He's already a figure-skater; who better to bend his wrist, point his toes, and do all those delicate hand and arm gestures?"

"But he's a pouf!  No one's gonna believe him married and raping some woman!"

"I know, right?  But get this--we do Stella and Blanche in drag!  I see Ross Matthews as Stella and Ru Paul as Blanche.  Do you see it?  Does it 'make your day?'"

"So what you're proposing is a movie about a gay who's married to one transvestite and banging another?  And all this is going on in tights, tutus and toe shoes?"

"Works for me.  Does it work for you?  I'm so sure about this I'm making my reservations for Cannes right now!"

"Swell.  I know in this biz you have to improvise, adapt and overcome.  But you also have to know your limitations.  Call me when you learn yours."

(Click)