Elections, Florida Style

Ever loath at having to repeat myself, every once in a while I must remind my reason for living that there's a reason that TV show was called "Father Knows Best".

"This is embarrassing," opined the tulip from The Netherlands.

"What's that, light of my life?"

"Here it is three days after the election, and we still don't have the votes counted."

"May I remind you, dearest of the dear, that we moved here not for the intellectual stimulation, or the pursuit of the philosophical, or, obviously, the cultural opportunities.  As a wise man once said, 'There ain't no Coupe de Ville hidin' at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.'  We moved here for the weather.  Moreover, we do not owe an apology to those who have to use their fingers and toes to count just because we don't."

Results were finally announced Saturday.  Obama won.  My question is, who cares?  Once the vote was in from Ohio, the election was over.  Here's a suggestion: why not have just Buckeyes vote and save everyone else in the country all the phone calls, ads, trips to polling places and lines at the voting booths?  Makes sense to me.  You?

There were other yuks served up by the election:

* Robocalls went out on election day to Pinellas County folks who had requested absentee ballots, but who had not turned them in, advising them that they had to be turned in "tomorrow," which would have been Wednesday and thus too late to be counted.  Neither Election Supervisor Deborah Clark nor the company she hired to make the calls, CallFire, accepts responsibility for the kerfuffle.

* Republican and former Hillsborough County Commissioner and state Senator Ronda Storms--book burner, homophobe, creationist, anti-abortion flyer of the Confederate battle flag--lost her bid to become Hillsborough's property appraiser to a Democrat who actually knows something about the job.  She's now out of elective office, and we're out the comic relief she provided every time she opened her mouth.

* Perhaps they thought it was a communist plot to pollute our precious bodily fluids.  Perhaps they confused it with formaldehyde.  Whatever their reason, two Republican Pinellas County Supervisors lost their seats because they voted to remove fluoride from the county's drinking water.  The good news is, their ouster provided a wake-up call for another commissioner, who says he will now vote to have the water fluroidated.  Welcome to the 21st century, Mr Spock.

Here's yet another example of what we transplants find so amusing about Florida:

18-year-old Benjamin Bishop and an 18-year-old friend went to a gun dealer, where Benny tried to purchase a 12-guage shotgun.  Required checks revealed Benny had a criminal record and may not possess firearms.  The dealer refused to sell him the gun.  The two left the store.  Later, the friend returned to the store and bought the gun.

Benny has since been charged with first-degree murder in the shooting deaths of his mother and her boyfriend.

Florida law states that it is a felony to knowingly buy a gun for anyone who is prohibited by state or federal law from possessing a gun.  This makes Benny's buddy culpable, right?  I mean, he was with him when the dealer refused to sell him the gun, right?

"How do you prove that the kid who bought the gun knew that Bishop was prohibited by state law," asked a senior prosecutor, whose office has not charged Benny's buddy.  "We've got to prove that."

Okay, let's start from the beginning.  1+1=2.  2+2=4.  Are we learning to do the math, yet, Sparky?