Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, a visionary looked at the waters of a sparkling blue bay and said, "What we need here is a pier!" And it came to pass that a pier was built. And the people beheld the pier and saw that it was good.
But Siddhartha tells us that nothing, neither firmament nor rock, lasts forever, and, lo, the pier became passe. Another visionary appeared and said, "What we need to do here is replace the pier!" And it came to pass that another pier was built, which became known as The Pier. And the people beheld The Pier and saw that it was good.
The Pier is an inverted pyramid. Within were restaurants, shops, a food court, a miniscule aquarium, a common area where artists might perform, and a rooftop in/out bar/restaurant from where one might watch general aviation aircraft takeoff and land, young sailors develop and practice their skills, and view the Christmas lighted boat parade, all while having a drink or three and a nosh.
But, alas, The Pier's very foundations began to crumble, and it became clear that its time had come. Research showed that shoring up the structure and its underpinnings would cost more than the $50 budgeted for a new one.
And so the word went forth across the land that The Pier was to be replaced, and architects were invited to submit their ideas. Three submissions, one of which was called the Lens, were selected and put to survey to obtain public feedback. Over 70 percent of respondents favored the Lens. You may check out its design at www.stpete.org/thenewpier.
Thus was the Lens chosen as the preferred design for a new pier by The St Petersburg Pier Competition Jury. It was to go to the St Petersburg City Council for a vote, where passage was assured.
Then, like tweenies mobbing a Bieber concert, bikers raiding a wet t-shirt contest, rednecks convoying to a mud fest, came an infestation of malcontents calling themselves Concerned Citizens of St Petersburg. The sole purpose of this attention-craving pestilence was to stop the Lens from being built. Believing in government by referendum rather than representation, the group gathered petitions and found themselves a champion in the form of Kathleen Ford, three-time failed candidate for mayor (see "Tater Salad in Every Bowl!" in this blog's archives). It succeeded in forcing the issue to a vote.
In the meantime, the mayor and certain council members who had signed off on the Lens began to back off. Without their wholehearted and public support, and after a concerted effort by the malcontents to get out the vote, the Lens was rejected at the polls.
I interviewed Leroy the Junkman to get his take on the vote.
"So, Leroy. How'd you vote on the Lens issue?"
"I voted NO on the damn thing! Hell, that weren't no pier! A pier is where you fish. It has a bait shop, a table where you can gut and scale the fish, and where there ain't no snowbirds, tourists, and walkers jostling you and trippin' over you."
"Sure looked pretty, though. All modern and open, with shoops, restaurants and promenades."
"Whut the hell is a promenade? Is that something you can fish off'n? And there weren't nowheres to feed the pelicans. 'Member that stand where little kiddies could buy fish and feed the pelicans? That Lens looked like a damn UFO or something risin' up out'n the ocean. That'd scare them young'uns to death!"
"You know, Leroy, by voting 'No' you were voting to build the Lens. If you wanted to stop the Lens you had to vote 'Yes'."
"You gotta be...just so's I understand--if'n you didn't want the Lens you had to vote 'Yes', that rat? Who the hell came up with that notion, anyways?"
"I know, right? Only in Florida would you have to cast a negative vote to gain a positive, and a positive vote to achieve a negative. Go figure, huh?"
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
The Cash Sewer that is Light Rail
There are two things in this world I absolutely cannot abide--an empty glass, and mindless obsession. Please indulge me this rare rant.
For years, now, both Pinellas and Hillsborough County Commissions, and the local media, have been browbeating usover light rail. For years light rail has been part of an overall transportation package that supporters have been trying to sell to voters. The package was not only rejected every time it came up for a vote, it was rejected by such numbers as to send a clear and convincing message that it is not going to pass, ever.
Those determined to have their choo-choos remain undaunted. It is not the efficacy of the plan, they are convinced. It is the ignorance of the electorate. Voters don't know it, but they want light rail. They need light rail. The dumb masses just have to be educated. The hoi polloi just have to learn.
For a long time, those trying to sell us on light rail have argued that the Tampa Bay area will never be top-tier, with destination cities like Chicago and New York, until we implement a light rail system.
This argument is disingenuous for two reasons. Neither Tampa (pop 336,823) nor St Petersburg (246,407) comes close to the ridership base of Chicago (2,836,658) or New York (8,274,527).
The Tampa Bay area has hosted Super Bowls, Stanley Cup Finals, the NCAA Final Four, Major League Baseball playoffs, the Republican National Convention, and is scheduled to host the Bollywood Awards. It is served by one of the top international airports in the nation and is a port of origin for ocean-going cruise ships and freighters. Its beaches consistently rank among the top-ten anywhere. The lack of a light rail system seems to have never been a deterrent or even a consideration when deciding on Tampa Bay as a destination.
Nor has transportation, which includes the light rail pipedream, been a main concern of local business leaders. When asked to list the top three considerations for businesses on the move, the director of Merit Advisors replied, "Workforce, workforce, workforce." After that was the cost of doing business.
"Mass transit has not been a driving force for us," added the managing director for a commercial real estate firm. He said he's not sure light rail would work in the Tampa Bay area. "I don't think you have the densities."
One area that does have the density is San Diego (pop 1,266,731). Ridership on its 13.5-mile light rail system is touted as being 80,000 daily; however, those are almost all round-trippers for an actual body count of 40,000.
Charlotte (pop 671,588) disingenuously boasts that a one-way ride on its system costs less than "a cup of Starbucks." The projected cost for its planned 13.5-mile line was $225 million. Its final cost was $462.7 mil for what ended up being 9.6 miles. Factor in continuing operating and maintenance costs, and it doesn't take a math major to figure out that a daily ridership of 14,800 (7,400 round-trippers), each paying the price of a cup of coffee, is not what's keeping Charlotte's light rail system solvent. So, then, what is? I know, and so do you. Endless and ever-increasing taxpayer subsidies, that's what.
Let's connect the dots, San Diego's percentage of ridership (less than 4) with the cost of Charlotte's system. Understand--the cost of the system is not determined by ridership base. Project these figures onto Tampa's comparatively miniscule population, with a best-case and highly optimistic scenario of 5 percent ridership, and even the mathematically challenged can see that actual per passenger cost will be astronomical.
No one who supports light rail wants to hear the horror stories that abound in opposition. "Detractors will continue to beat the naysaying drum," writes one columnist, "but true leadership never achieves without enduring. Fire forges steel...."
Yeah, and fire burns paper, too. Undertake light rail, and you'll see how fast the flames can consume millions.
For years, now, both Pinellas and Hillsborough County Commissions, and the local media, have been browbeating usover light rail. For years light rail has been part of an overall transportation package that supporters have been trying to sell to voters. The package was not only rejected every time it came up for a vote, it was rejected by such numbers as to send a clear and convincing message that it is not going to pass, ever.
Those determined to have their choo-choos remain undaunted. It is not the efficacy of the plan, they are convinced. It is the ignorance of the electorate. Voters don't know it, but they want light rail. They need light rail. The dumb masses just have to be educated. The hoi polloi just have to learn.
For a long time, those trying to sell us on light rail have argued that the Tampa Bay area will never be top-tier, with destination cities like Chicago and New York, until we implement a light rail system.
This argument is disingenuous for two reasons. Neither Tampa (pop 336,823) nor St Petersburg (246,407) comes close to the ridership base of Chicago (2,836,658) or New York (8,274,527).
The Tampa Bay area has hosted Super Bowls, Stanley Cup Finals, the NCAA Final Four, Major League Baseball playoffs, the Republican National Convention, and is scheduled to host the Bollywood Awards. It is served by one of the top international airports in the nation and is a port of origin for ocean-going cruise ships and freighters. Its beaches consistently rank among the top-ten anywhere. The lack of a light rail system seems to have never been a deterrent or even a consideration when deciding on Tampa Bay as a destination.
Nor has transportation, which includes the light rail pipedream, been a main concern of local business leaders. When asked to list the top three considerations for businesses on the move, the director of Merit Advisors replied, "Workforce, workforce, workforce." After that was the cost of doing business.
"Mass transit has not been a driving force for us," added the managing director for a commercial real estate firm. He said he's not sure light rail would work in the Tampa Bay area. "I don't think you have the densities."
One area that does have the density is San Diego (pop 1,266,731). Ridership on its 13.5-mile light rail system is touted as being 80,000 daily; however, those are almost all round-trippers for an actual body count of 40,000.
Charlotte (pop 671,588) disingenuously boasts that a one-way ride on its system costs less than "a cup of Starbucks." The projected cost for its planned 13.5-mile line was $225 million. Its final cost was $462.7 mil for what ended up being 9.6 miles. Factor in continuing operating and maintenance costs, and it doesn't take a math major to figure out that a daily ridership of 14,800 (7,400 round-trippers), each paying the price of a cup of coffee, is not what's keeping Charlotte's light rail system solvent. So, then, what is? I know, and so do you. Endless and ever-increasing taxpayer subsidies, that's what.
Let's connect the dots, San Diego's percentage of ridership (less than 4) with the cost of Charlotte's system. Understand--the cost of the system is not determined by ridership base. Project these figures onto Tampa's comparatively miniscule population, with a best-case and highly optimistic scenario of 5 percent ridership, and even the mathematically challenged can see that actual per passenger cost will be astronomical.
No one who supports light rail wants to hear the horror stories that abound in opposition. "Detractors will continue to beat the naysaying drum," writes one columnist, "but true leadership never achieves without enduring. Fire forges steel...."
Yeah, and fire burns paper, too. Undertake light rail, and you'll see how fast the flames can consume millions.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Tater Salad in Every Bowl!
Over the years we've had our share of intellectually challenged candidates (Sarah Palin, e.g.), morally challenged (John Edwards, e.g.), and space cadets (our own Kathleen Ford).
On August 27, St Petersburg voters will choose from among five candidates which will be the next mayor or, if necessary, in a run-off. Two of the five are inconsequential. Two others, one of whom is the incumbent, have a legitimate shot. The other, Kathleen, is providing the comic relief.
Kathleen is a lawyer by profession. She graduated cum so-so from an obscure law school and went on to achieve low five-figure earnings for an even more obscure law firm. No rainmaker, she.
This is Kathleen's third try for mayor. Perhaps if she were running for, say, commissioner in Hillsborough County, she might win in a landslide. Folks on that side of the Bay are prone to electing candidates who amuse rather than actually legislate. But, alas, this is Pinellas County, the collective electoral IQ of which, at least, is in the three digits, and she is running for mayor rather than a council or commission, where, as one of several members, she could indulge her buffoonery without doing much harm.
Her campaign has already pretty much self-destructed. There have been four candidate debates; she stiffed the first three. She claimed scheduling conflicts; I believe she was afraid of coming across as the shallow, ill-informed flake that she is. As her performance in head-to-head confrontations demonstrates, she was right to be concerned.
The following is representative of her comments made during a fourth debate. I could have made some others up, but there's no way I could have topped hers.
By way of background, there is a section of St Pete called Midtown. Don't ask me why. It is not mid-St Pete; it is an area south and slightly west of downtown. It is a mostly black area, less economically viable and more crime-riddled than the rest of the city. Candidates, all three of whom are white, were asked what they have done to help this deprived area.
The mayor touted new businesses developed there during his watch. His chief opponent talked about his efforts as a state legislator to expand voting rights. Kathleen--I stress again that I'm not making this up--bragged about how she once made potato salad at a Midtown park. That was not part of her answer; that was her answer. Nothing was taken out of context.
At a "Tampa Bay Times" editorial board meeting, the candidates were asked to question one another. Kathleen skipped over issues of import to the community and went straight for the kill. Why, she asked one of her opponents, did he pass along to her other opponent a "politically incorrect" Krispy Kreme donut calendar when, some years ago, they were both on city council. The issue, she pointed out, went to his character, which she compared to that of San Diego's mayor and New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, both of whom are facing charges of sexual harassment. Asked if she knew of any such accusations against her opponent, she replied, well, no.
When the topic of crime and security in Midtown came up, she pointed out that a fence had been erected around a Walgreens drugstore--in 1997.
I've already made up my mind for whom I will vote. But I have to tell you, for a while I was torn. There would be many more yuks with Kathleen in office than either of her opponents, but there is a difference between comedy and farce. The potential for devastation with a Mayor Airhead far outweighs the guarantee of a few attendant laughs.
But I look forward to her fourth, fifth and maybe even sixth campaign. After all, there's a lot to be said for comedy relief.
On August 27, St Petersburg voters will choose from among five candidates which will be the next mayor or, if necessary, in a run-off. Two of the five are inconsequential. Two others, one of whom is the incumbent, have a legitimate shot. The other, Kathleen, is providing the comic relief.
Kathleen is a lawyer by profession. She graduated cum so-so from an obscure law school and went on to achieve low five-figure earnings for an even more obscure law firm. No rainmaker, she.
This is Kathleen's third try for mayor. Perhaps if she were running for, say, commissioner in Hillsborough County, she might win in a landslide. Folks on that side of the Bay are prone to electing candidates who amuse rather than actually legislate. But, alas, this is Pinellas County, the collective electoral IQ of which, at least, is in the three digits, and she is running for mayor rather than a council or commission, where, as one of several members, she could indulge her buffoonery without doing much harm.
Her campaign has already pretty much self-destructed. There have been four candidate debates; she stiffed the first three. She claimed scheduling conflicts; I believe she was afraid of coming across as the shallow, ill-informed flake that she is. As her performance in head-to-head confrontations demonstrates, she was right to be concerned.
The following is representative of her comments made during a fourth debate. I could have made some others up, but there's no way I could have topped hers.
By way of background, there is a section of St Pete called Midtown. Don't ask me why. It is not mid-St Pete; it is an area south and slightly west of downtown. It is a mostly black area, less economically viable and more crime-riddled than the rest of the city. Candidates, all three of whom are white, were asked what they have done to help this deprived area.
The mayor touted new businesses developed there during his watch. His chief opponent talked about his efforts as a state legislator to expand voting rights. Kathleen--I stress again that I'm not making this up--bragged about how she once made potato salad at a Midtown park. That was not part of her answer; that was her answer. Nothing was taken out of context.
At a "Tampa Bay Times" editorial board meeting, the candidates were asked to question one another. Kathleen skipped over issues of import to the community and went straight for the kill. Why, she asked one of her opponents, did he pass along to her other opponent a "politically incorrect" Krispy Kreme donut calendar when, some years ago, they were both on city council. The issue, she pointed out, went to his character, which she compared to that of San Diego's mayor and New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, both of whom are facing charges of sexual harassment. Asked if she knew of any such accusations against her opponent, she replied, well, no.
When the topic of crime and security in Midtown came up, she pointed out that a fence had been erected around a Walgreens drugstore--in 1997.
I've already made up my mind for whom I will vote. But I have to tell you, for a while I was torn. There would be many more yuks with Kathleen in office than either of her opponents, but there is a difference between comedy and farce. The potential for devastation with a Mayor Airhead far outweighs the guarantee of a few attendant laughs.
But I look forward to her fourth, fifth and maybe even sixth campaign. After all, there's a lot to be said for comedy relief.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Florida Fun on the Cheap!
Forget Disney World, Sea World, Universal, Legoland, Busch Gardens and any number of other A-list tourist traps where admission prices will run into the high double digits and, by the time your next vacation comes around, may well top $100. Allow me to offer you three Florida D-list attractions that'll cost you little or nothing to enjoy:
* Bushwacker Festival: Sound Outbackish? Well, it is, sort of. The Bushwacker Festival takes place in Pensacola. It's a three-day hoot that includes the obligatory food, crafts, and tacky souvenir vendors, a 5K run, and bands playing on two stages.
How, you might well ask, is that different from any other carnival or fair you can find in any church parking lot, Lions park, or schoolyard? See, this one is themed around the Bushwacker, an adult beverage, the main ingredients of which are rum, Kahlua, creme de coconut, creme de cacao, half-and-half, and vanilla ice cream. Take a tip from your ol' Uncle Dave: If you plan to enter the 5K run, eschew the Bushwacker to avoid having to hurl and/or limp or crawl across the finish line. Okay, Speedy?
* Possum Festival (Wausau): Come watch Honey Boo Boo wannabes compete in the Little King and Queen contest, then watch Walmartians vie for king and queen. For those of you who don't understand the festival concept, there's another 5K run to make you wish you did. Ditto the ubiquitous vendor stands.
Gotta see something unique, 'cause otherwise, well, if you've been to one of these "celebrations" you've been to 'em all. Making the Possum Festival special are the hog callin', rooster crowin' and cow lowin' contests. For those athletic elitists among you who think these are trash sports unworthy of your participation, sign up for the horseshoe pitching and crosscut sawing events. You can tell they're top-drawer; they're spelled with a "g".
* The Worm Gruntin Festival (Sopchoppy, described as being 35 miles and 100 years southwest of Tallahassee): Put this one at the top of your must-see list. And although you will get free lessons in worm gruntin (sic) from experts, let me offer you a how-to as sort of a Gruntin 101 (credits likely will not transfer):
Get yourself a stake, like the one you would use to dispatch Dracula. Pound it about six inches into the ground. Find a steel bar, maybe two feet long, three inches wide and 1/4 inch thick. Grab each end of the bar and center it on top of the stake. Rub the bar across the top of the stake to create a grunting sound.
The grunting sound imitates the sound moles make as they move underground, seeking earthworms. Worms hear this noise and surface, fleeing for their very lives. Alas, they're just jumping into the bait buckets of that royalty of worm grunting, "King" Gary and "Queen" Audrey Reville, who will sell and deliver them to fishermen. (Fun fact 1: The longest earthworm on record is a 21-footer found in Africa. Fun fact 2: Earthworms are rich in protein. Bon appetite!)
Gary and Audrey have been married over 35 years. Their first date, or second or third, involved grunting for worms. Gary usually does the grunting and Audrey the retrieving, but these tasks are interchangeable as necessity dictates. Gary comes from a long line of grunters; Audrey, proof that somewhere there's someone for everyone, has made the family business her own.
What, not interested in gruntin' for worms? Then enter Sopchoppy's version of the 5K, shop at probably the same vendor stands and kick off the clods to the same foot-stompin', knee-slappin', elbow-bendin' gut-bucket music you heard at the Bushwacker and Possum Festivals.
And, really, what would a trip to Florida be without visits to Big Daddy Don Garlits' Museum of Drag Racing, the Skunk Ape Museum, and the mermaids at Weeki-Wachee? The best part? No 5K runs!
Better make your flight, hotel and car rental reservations now. I'll be looking for your pics on Facebook and your videos on YouTube. Ya hear?
* Bushwacker Festival: Sound Outbackish? Well, it is, sort of. The Bushwacker Festival takes place in Pensacola. It's a three-day hoot that includes the obligatory food, crafts, and tacky souvenir vendors, a 5K run, and bands playing on two stages.
How, you might well ask, is that different from any other carnival or fair you can find in any church parking lot, Lions park, or schoolyard? See, this one is themed around the Bushwacker, an adult beverage, the main ingredients of which are rum, Kahlua, creme de coconut, creme de cacao, half-and-half, and vanilla ice cream. Take a tip from your ol' Uncle Dave: If you plan to enter the 5K run, eschew the Bushwacker to avoid having to hurl and/or limp or crawl across the finish line. Okay, Speedy?
* Possum Festival (Wausau): Come watch Honey Boo Boo wannabes compete in the Little King and Queen contest, then watch Walmartians vie for king and queen. For those of you who don't understand the festival concept, there's another 5K run to make you wish you did. Ditto the ubiquitous vendor stands.
Gotta see something unique, 'cause otherwise, well, if you've been to one of these "celebrations" you've been to 'em all. Making the Possum Festival special are the hog callin', rooster crowin' and cow lowin' contests. For those athletic elitists among you who think these are trash sports unworthy of your participation, sign up for the horseshoe pitching and crosscut sawing events. You can tell they're top-drawer; they're spelled with a "g".
* The Worm Gruntin Festival (Sopchoppy, described as being 35 miles and 100 years southwest of Tallahassee): Put this one at the top of your must-see list. And although you will get free lessons in worm gruntin (sic) from experts, let me offer you a how-to as sort of a Gruntin 101 (credits likely will not transfer):
Get yourself a stake, like the one you would use to dispatch Dracula. Pound it about six inches into the ground. Find a steel bar, maybe two feet long, three inches wide and 1/4 inch thick. Grab each end of the bar and center it on top of the stake. Rub the bar across the top of the stake to create a grunting sound.
The grunting sound imitates the sound moles make as they move underground, seeking earthworms. Worms hear this noise and surface, fleeing for their very lives. Alas, they're just jumping into the bait buckets of that royalty of worm grunting, "King" Gary and "Queen" Audrey Reville, who will sell and deliver them to fishermen. (Fun fact 1: The longest earthworm on record is a 21-footer found in Africa. Fun fact 2: Earthworms are rich in protein. Bon appetite!)
Gary and Audrey have been married over 35 years. Their first date, or second or third, involved grunting for worms. Gary usually does the grunting and Audrey the retrieving, but these tasks are interchangeable as necessity dictates. Gary comes from a long line of grunters; Audrey, proof that somewhere there's someone for everyone, has made the family business her own.
What, not interested in gruntin' for worms? Then enter Sopchoppy's version of the 5K, shop at probably the same vendor stands and kick off the clods to the same foot-stompin', knee-slappin', elbow-bendin' gut-bucket music you heard at the Bushwacker and Possum Festivals.
And, really, what would a trip to Florida be without visits to Big Daddy Don Garlits' Museum of Drag Racing, the Skunk Ape Museum, and the mermaids at Weeki-Wachee? The best part? No 5K runs!
Better make your flight, hotel and car rental reservations now. I'll be looking for your pics on Facebook and your videos on YouTube. Ya hear?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Editorial Arrogance
The "Tampa Bay Times" is actually the "St Petersburg Times" renamed. It aspires to regional import, to establish itself as the necessary guiding light and moral compass for a five-county area. Hence the name change.
Like an Italian cruise ship, it has started listing to the left. Assuming the mantel of "Izvestia" of the west, it added columnist Robyn Blumner to its editorial board to increase its leftist cred. Robyn is a case study of the DRD4 gene run amok.
Recently I was able to penetrate the "Times" editorial boardroom with my bugbot. Let's give a listen....
"I've noticed we've been spending a lot of time on our neighbors to the east. Tampa and Hillsborough County have absolutely no clue as to what they should be about. We're not making much progress with showing them the way."
"I know, right? I mean, look at their transportation system. It's a disaster! Why don't they have light rail?"
"I blame President Reagan!"
"Robyn, Robyn. Reagan has been out of office for decades."
"Okay, then, I blame..., uh, who was the next guy?"
"George Bush."
"I blame President Bush!"
"Which one?"
"There was more than one?"
"And we have to stop those developers from building that high-rise condo tower on that little postage stamp-size downtown parcel that overlooks the river. There's gotta be some bug, or lizard, or something that'll lose its habitat."
"Hey, let's not forget Channelside. It's supposed to be this big entertainment complex, and there it sits, emptier than Tropicana for a Rays game!"
"I blame Governor Scott!"
"Robyn, please! Sure, he's a Republican, but he hasn't anything to do with Channelside."
"So what? It's enough that he's a Republican! By definition, he's got to be to blame for something!"
"You know, our omniscience could also be used to resolve problems on our side of the Bay. Oh, if they'd only just listen to us!"
"Yeah. It's not like the mayor's office is of any use. The incumbent is a wuss. We've had three debates where one of the mayoral candidates didn't even show, afraid she'd make a fool of herself by sounding like the airhead she is."
"What about the new pier? First the city council okays its design, then backs down in the face of a protest by some malcontents--I mean, community activists--and now the whole thing is in limbo."
"I blame Mayor Baker!"
"Foster, Robyn! Mayor Foster!"
"Oh. Oh, yeah. I blame Mayor Foster!"
"I move that we keep harping on Tampa and Hillsborough. We don't want anyone over here on our case, now do we? We can beat up on the other side of the Bay all we want without antagonizing our advertising base. All in favor?"
Like an Italian cruise ship, it has started listing to the left. Assuming the mantel of "Izvestia" of the west, it added columnist Robyn Blumner to its editorial board to increase its leftist cred. Robyn is a case study of the DRD4 gene run amok.
Recently I was able to penetrate the "Times" editorial boardroom with my bugbot. Let's give a listen....
"I've noticed we've been spending a lot of time on our neighbors to the east. Tampa and Hillsborough County have absolutely no clue as to what they should be about. We're not making much progress with showing them the way."
"I know, right? I mean, look at their transportation system. It's a disaster! Why don't they have light rail?"
"I blame President Reagan!"
"Robyn, Robyn. Reagan has been out of office for decades."
"Okay, then, I blame..., uh, who was the next guy?"
"George Bush."
"I blame President Bush!"
"Which one?"
"There was more than one?"
"And we have to stop those developers from building that high-rise condo tower on that little postage stamp-size downtown parcel that overlooks the river. There's gotta be some bug, or lizard, or something that'll lose its habitat."
"Hey, let's not forget Channelside. It's supposed to be this big entertainment complex, and there it sits, emptier than Tropicana for a Rays game!"
"I blame Governor Scott!"
"Robyn, please! Sure, he's a Republican, but he hasn't anything to do with Channelside."
"So what? It's enough that he's a Republican! By definition, he's got to be to blame for something!"
"You know, our omniscience could also be used to resolve problems on our side of the Bay. Oh, if they'd only just listen to us!"
"Yeah. It's not like the mayor's office is of any use. The incumbent is a wuss. We've had three debates where one of the mayoral candidates didn't even show, afraid she'd make a fool of herself by sounding like the airhead she is."
"What about the new pier? First the city council okays its design, then backs down in the face of a protest by some malcontents--I mean, community activists--and now the whole thing is in limbo."
"I blame Mayor Baker!"
"Foster, Robyn! Mayor Foster!"
"Oh. Oh, yeah. I blame Mayor Foster!"
"I move that we keep harping on Tampa and Hillsborough. We don't want anyone over here on our case, now do we? We can beat up on the other side of the Bay all we want without antagonizing our advertising base. All in favor?"
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