Secret of the Cape Revealed!

So I'm sitting at home watching "Life Below Zero" when the phone rings.  Thank God for Tivo, huh?

"Hello.  You have reached the number you called.  No one here wants to talk to you.  If you want to talk to someone here, leave a message (snicker) at the sound of the beep (snort) and we'll get back to you (guffaw!)."

"Yo, pacfan!  Pick up!"

"Supe, is that you?  Where the hell you been?"

"Man, I'm whipped!  You know I moonlight doin' stunt work for the Superman movies, right?  You seen the last one?  My god, they had me breakin' the sound barrier three times in one flight, and they don't even give me a runnin' start, anymore.  They got me leapin' into the air like a hoppy-toad, for chrissakes!"

"But you gotta be bringin' down the big bucks.  That flick did more business the Thursday night before it opened than most movies do the whole first weekend."

"Yeah, but comes a point in a man's life when you gotta wonder if it's worth it.  I go home after work, and all I want to do is catch some Zs.  To top it off, Lois has lost interest in Mighty Mouse, if you get my drift.  I can't blame her; since I started working on that movie 'faster than a speeding bullet' has taken on a whole different meaning.  How's that comport with my 'man of steel' image?  'Course, it doesn't help that she looks like Nancy Pelosi--you know, Sam Jaffe in drag--instead of Amy Adams."

"So, go ahead and quit."

"I would, but Lois'd have a hissy-fit.  Clark makes next to nothin' doin' his reporting gig.  We'd have to move into a trailer park.  Speaking of, how's things in Florida?"

"Lollipops and coconuts, as usual.  This place is like Arkham, man.  Your BFF, the bat guy, would fit right in down here."

"Want me to take care of it?  A little nudge to the next hurricane, and Florida would be restored to its Ponce de Leon roots."

"No, no!  This place is Eden.  The insanity is just gravy on the biscuits."

"Well, after what the special effects and CGI folks did with the destruction of Metropolis, I have to say, it looked pretty good to me.  But I'm just burned out, is all."

"Listen, I've got a couple of questions for you.  Why not ditch the cape?  I mean, it's gotten so big it drags the ground like some bridal train.  It's not like you need it."

"You kiddin'?  That thing's a chick magnet!  The girls love it, don't ask me why!"

"Yeah, but you're married.  What you worried about girls for?"

"It's like my drinkin' buddy 'Tater' says.  I'm a good dog, but if you don't pat me on the head once in a while, it's hard to keep me under the porch.  Know what I'm sayin'?"

"And the beard.  Bullets bounce off of you.  You're impervious to flame.  Knives can't penetrate your skin.  How do you shave?  How do you get haircuts?"

"Look, unless you slept through your biology classes, you know that hair is all dead cells.  No problem cuttin' dead cells.  I gotta go.  I've been hearing rumors of a supposedly super woman who lives up on the North Slope.  I want to find out if she's my long lost cousin, Kara, hidin' out.  Up, up and away!"