Perhaps Heroes Should Wear Masks

The woman had just left the Harland Township, Michigan, Wal-Mart when a waste of a human soul assaulted her.

Seeing the attack, Wal-Mart employee Kristopher Oswald, 30, thought, no, this isn't going to go down on my watch.  He intervened and fought with the argument for post-partum abortion until sheriff's deputies arrived.

After the kerfuffle, Kris walked back into his store.  He ascertained right away that something was amiss.  His fellow employees would not make eye contact, putting out a "don't bother me; I'm busy" vibe.  His boss intercepted him and invited him into his office.  My ubiquitous bugbot, in spite of my explicit programming to avoid Michigan at all costs, was taking a shortcut as it returned from another mission and happened to record the conversation.

"Kris, have a seat."

"What's up, boss?"

"Say, that was something out there in the parking lot, huh?  I mean, jumping into the middle of an assault like that.  That scrub could have been packing.  You could have been shot!"

"Tell you the truth, I didn't even think about that.  I just saw him manhandling some woman, and instinct, or reflex, or whatever just took over."

"Don't know if I would have had the balls to do what you did."

"I don't think anyone does, until they're in that situation.  Hell, I surprised myself!  I"m still asking myself how I reacted that way, what was I thinking, now that it's all over with."

"Well, you sure saved her butt.  You can be damn proud of yourself, Kris.  Damn proud!"

"Thanks, boss.  Can I go now?  I really should get back to work."

"You don't need to worry about that, Kris."

"What do you mean?"

"You're fired."

"Excuse me?"

"You violated company policy, Kris.  Wal-Mart specifically prohibits workplace violence.  When you rescued that woman from her assailant, you broke the rules.  Sorry, but you've got to go."

"What the hell was I supposed to do, boss?  Let him pound her into the pavement?  Maybe carjack her?  Throw her into her car and rape her?"

"Not your business, is it?  Can't go around saving the world, Kris.  You just need to worry about saving your job."

"So I should just have let it happen?  Just turn my back and walk away?"

"I don't know.  Maybe grab a scarf and wrap it around your face?  Maybe tie a towel around your neck like a cape?  I mean, anything so no one knew it was you.  Then I wouldn't know whom, if anyone, to fire, would I?"

"So you're saying it's my fault."

"Well, I can't really fire the perp, now, can I?  He doesn't even work here.  I think we're done.  Congrats on saving the day, and good luck finding a new job!"

Note:  Wal-Mart, bowing to crushing public pressure, has since offered Kris back his job.  If I were Kris, I'd tell Wal-Mart what they could do with it.  He can get a job anywhere, now.