They Walk Among Us

"Whut the....?  Whar the hell am I?"

You're back on Planet Earth.  What were you thinking, anyway?

"Whutchu mean?  Ah got sloppy-faced drunk is all, an' had me uh little lie down on the street.  Jus' lied down ratchere on the street.  Everbody said, 'Tha's jus' the way ol' Country is'--that's what they called me, 'Country,' ya know?  Never cud figger out why."

What should I call you...James?  James Roy?  Or would you prefer "Country?"

"Hell, ya doesn't haf tuh call me James.  Ya'll can call me Jim, Jimmy, Jim Roy, whutever.  Don' matter tuh me."

Well, Jim, didn't you think it might be just a little bit dangerous to lie down in the road like that?

"Been doin hit uh while an hain't nuthin happened.  'Ceptin' maybe tha' time uh couple uh yars ago when ah had tuh go tuh the hospital."

What happened then?

"Ah had jus' crawled under uh car in uh parkin' lot when all of uh sudden lak hit jus' started tuh leave!  How wuz ah supposed tuh know hit was goin'?  Ah mean, hit's not lak thar wuz any warnin' or anything."

You're lucky you weren't killed then.

"Ah don' know if'n I wuz lucky or not.  'Pends on how ya look at hit, ah reckon.  An' then thar's the time last year when ah ran out intuh the street and got hit.  Tha' one knocked me rat out, tha' one did."

You know, Jim, some folks would take those mishaps as a warning and try to stay out of the streets, especially when they've been hitting the sauce.

"Hey, man, tha's jus' how ah roll, 'kay?  An' guess whut--ah jus' got twenty thousand dollers after one car hit me.  Hell, hit paid for two yars o' rent an' wuz payin' for mah food an' booze, don'cha know.  Ah'm thinkin ah mat have hit on uh career har, know whut ah mean?"

After those close calls and 52 arrests and citations over the past two years, most for open container violations, trespassing and being too drunk in public, "Ol' Country's" death wish was finally granted.

Late on Wednesday, April 25, 43-year-old James Roy Scallion laid down in the middle of 4th Street North, a well-trafficked main St Pete drag.  Cops spotted him and pulled him out of the street.  He went home for a short while but returned and laid down again.  A car ran over him and kept going.  Scallion died at the scene.

"I told him, I said, 'get up, you idiot,'" said his building manager, who witnessed it.  "But he just lied down, put his arms up and...."

"I don't know why [the cops] let him go," said a friend.  "I don't know why they didn't take him somewhere."

The police agreed that Scallion was drunk, but said he was not disorderly.

"Being drunk is not a crime," said a police spokesman.  "Being intoxicated would only allow us to take you into custody if you're inebriated to the point of being a danger to yourself or others."

Apparently, being suicidal is not a crime, either.

"Whut happened," asked a very spectral "Ol' Country."

You were ran over by a car and killed, Jimmy.

"Oh.  Thank God, huh?"