Alternate Reality

Ever have that feeling that there's a parallel universe, where fantasy is reality, and once in a while something happens to convince you that you've crossed into it?  Where fanciful ideas emerge that are so bizarre, so contradictory to historical fact, that you are at a complete loss as to what you can contribute to dispel them?

For instance, one person I know is convinced that the moon landings were faked on Hollywood-like sets.  When someone is that delusional in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, there is just no way to argue the point.

Some will swear JFK wasn't really assassinated but sits in a wheelchair in a vegetative state at some clandestine 24/7 care facility.

Others deny the reality of Elvis' death and claim he is simply in seclusion somewhere away from fame's constant spotlight.  Their sole "evidence" of this deception is that his middle name is misspelled on his grave marker.

Even entire organizations will conspire to deny truth.  The VFW fostered the pretense that Muhammad Ali was not really boxing's heavyweight champion, was not really the best fighter in the world, when he refused to be inducted and led the charge to have him stripped of both title and livelihood.

And now the NCAA is claiming that Joe Paterno, Penn State's late former football coach, does not have the most wins in college football history, and that from 1998 through 2011 the Nittany Lions had no victories on the gridiron, only defeats.

Before you get your pantyhose in a knot, before your FOTLs wedge up your cheek cleavage, I assure you I'm not trying to defend either JoePa or Penn State in their handling of the Jerry Sandusky scandal.  I'm simply trying to make the case that one cannot replace well-documented fact with fiction in knee-jerk reaction to lynch mob torch-bearers.  Okay, Inspector Kemp?

In case you were napping during a Kardashian marathon and missed the story, the NCAA fined Penn State $60 mil (one year's gross football revenue), withdrew 10 scholarships, banned it from post-season play for four years, and placed it on probation for five.  No argument, here.

But the NCAA also stripped the football teams of 111 victories, a move so ludicrous on its face that I had to call NCAA for an explanation.

"Hi.  The pacfan, here.  I wish to query you on behalf of my tens of readers about a matter of great import.  Got a sec?"

"Pacfan, huh?  What is that, Pac-12?  Pacific Air Command?  Pacman?"

"Perhaps I'm speaking to the wrong person.  Is there anyone available with an IQ above your athletic cup size?"

"Oh, go ahead.  I need to talk to the hoi polloi on occasion.  It keeps me grounded."

"When you stripped Penn State of 111 wins, did you find evidence of the illegal use of performance-enhancing drugs?  Violations of recruiting rules?  Use of players who hadn't met academic requirements?"

"No."

"So those games were won fairly and squarely on the field of play."

"No, of course not.  They weren't won at all."

"But they were won.  We saw them on TV.  We read about them in the print media."

"But you couldn't have, because if you had, Penn State's record would have 111 more victories than it does.  It doesn't; ergo, it didn't win them."

"Perhaps I have the wrong number.  Is this the NCAA or the WWE?"

"The what?

Remember that season of Dallas that led up to Pam, or someone, killing Bobby, or someone (hell, I can't remember), and then the next season revealed that the whole previous season was all Pam's dream and Bobby was alive and well and taking a shower?

Is this deja vu, or what?