No MENSA Candidates, These

James Lee Minyard, 41, told Tampa police they had him all wrong.

"Hell, ah weren't gonna hurt nobody.  Tha's muh hobby, doncha see.  Hit's whut ah do tuh relax."

"Funny hobby, there, Jimmy, building bombs."

"Ah can see whar some folks might think tha'.  But tha's how ah roll, always doin' somethin' different, thinkin' outside the box, so to speak."

"Don't you think that it might be kind of dangerous?"

"Yeah, well, tha's the challenge, hain't hit?  See, ah never finished high school, an' ah wanted tuh do somethin' challengin', complete somethin' fer uh change, so ah set mahsel' tuh doin' this.  An' y'all can see fer yerself, I did hit!  I really did hit!"

"But you blew off two of your fingers."

"Well, thar is tha'.  But no pain, no gain, ah always say."

When they searched Jimmy's home, cops found six more bombs, made of chemicals and both PVC and cardboard tubes, and journals that contained technical information about bomb making.

Jimmy was charged with six counts of making a destructive device.

While Jimmy was sitting in the slam contemplating the loss of his fingers and awaiting a hearing to determine whether his $12,000 bail should be revoked, 20-year-old Bryan Zuniga was in jail in St Petersburg recovering from bite wounds and scratches.

Bryan's wildlife adventure began in the wee small of a Thursday morning as he was driving through the streets of St Pete.  A sheriff's deputy observed his vehicle weaving in its lane and attempted to pull him over.  Bryan stopped his car, jumped out of the passenger door, and took off running.

That was his first mistake.  His second was his decision to kick a hole in a vinyl fence that was obstructing his escape route.  His third, and at once the most stupid and dangerous, was to jump into a pond behind a water treatment plant.

See, when you step into any body of water in Florida, especially fresh water, you step down from the top of the food chain.  Bryan would have had better luck had he ran afoul of a K9.

St Pete police were called to St Petersburg General Hospital for what was described as an "animal attack."  The patient told cops that he had been walking home when he stopped at a bridge to watch fish jump.  He said he somehow fell into the water and was attacked by an alligator.  He suffered bites to his face and an arm.

Since the location of the bidge was in an unincorporated area of Pinellas County, the cops called the Sheriff's Office.  Sheriff's Office deputies connected the dots.  Bryan was booked into the Pinellas County slam on charges of breaking or injuring a fence, fleeing and eluding, driving with a suspended or revoked license, and resisting an officer without violence.  He was held on $6,300 bail.

Concerning these two wastes of human souls, a few observations:

1.  What's scary about these twin sons of different mothers is that they can breed and vote.

2.  I understand how one might "break" a fence.  How does one "injure" a fence?

3.  Still don't believe in zombies?