Mainstreaming Mongo (A Play in Four Acts)

Act II

Scene:  Teachers' lounge.  Four teachers are drinking coffee at a table when another, history teacher Mark Sengles, enters stage right.

Teacher 1:  Morning, Mark.

Mark:  This place sucks.

Teacher 2:  Geez, Mark, it's only the first day of school.  Homeroom hasn't even started yet.

Mark:  I don't care; this place blows.

Teacher 3:  What is it, now?  Get tapped for cafeteria duty again?

Mark:  No.  No, they keep sticking brain-dead jocks in my class.  They're dumber than dirt, and they expect me to teach them anything?

Teacher 1:  But you're the one who's always ranting about mainstreaming.

Teacher 2:  Yeah.  How many times have you said it's not right to put the handicapped in special classes apart from the regular students, that it stigmatizes them and takes away their self-esteem.

Teacher 4:  I remember you saying it was as bad as tracking, leading kids into areas where their aptitudes indicate they could succeed, instead of giving them equal access to whatever they wanted to pursue.

Teacher 1:  I never understood the problem with tracking, myself.  I mean, why push a kid into something he couldn't possibly master?  Seems to me, if a kid is into something, and shows an aptitude for it, why not give him a shot at success?

Mark:  This is different.  Jocks aren't handicapped.  Jocks are just stupid.

Teacher 3:  And wasn't it you who led the big push to make our college-prep curriculum mandatory?  Didn't you say that all kids should be prepared for college when they graduate, whether they have any intention of going or not?

Mark:  That's exactly right.  We don't need to be turning out any more blue collar workers.  Hell, anyone can drive a truck or use a monkey wrench.  We need more philosophers, more social workers, more teachers, for chrissakes!  But these dumb jocks, all they think about is making it to the bigs.  They think because they can run a football up and down a field, swish three-pointers, or hit baseballs over the fence, they don't need to study.  So they take up space in my class, sit there half asleep, shrug when I call on them, and turn in barely legible assignments that I have to spend time grading.

Teacher 1:  Well, what do you propose?  We segregate all the jocks, assign them all tutors, schedule classes for them that are easy As?  That hardly seems fair.

Mark:  No, I know how to deal with them.  I either flunk them or give them such low grades that they lose their eligibility for sports.  That way, they have nothing left but academics, and they have to hit the books to try to get back on the field.

Teacher 2:  Yeah, but by the time they do, their season is over.

Teacher 3:  Besides, they'll just drop your class and take something else.

Mark:  Ah, but see, my class is required.  They flunk History this year; they have to repeat next year.  And guess who their teacher will probably be?  (Exit stage right.)

Teacher 1:  Jerk.

(Curtain)