Menagerie A Trois

Reaching out to touch wildlife in Florida is strongly discouraged.  Feeding wildlife in Florida is illegal.  Attempting to join in the fun with mating wildlife when not invited to do so is, well, just plain rude.

One may swim with dolphins at a couple of places.  At the zoo one might even touch snakes and other reptiles.  At the aquarium one can immerse one's hand in a pool and brush the backs of rays as they swim by.  But these encounters with local fauna are well controlled and supervised.

Not all attempts at inter-species contact are appreciated, however.  A man who thought it was a super, neat-o, peachy-keen idea to put elementary school-age kids in a swimming pool to frolic with a three-foot alligator brought down the wrath of do-gooders, animal rights wackos and others of the perpetually outraged upon his head.  Never mind that the gator' jaws were taped shut with duct tape, or that the gator never left the hands of its handler.

To be fair, in this case the buzz-killers had a point.  Little kids learn that it's okay to be in the water with an alligator, next thing you know they're wading into a pond to play with one.  They see a fun playmate; the gator sees lunch.

Kids that age just don't think at the cognitive level.  For that matter, neither do many adults.

Imagine that you are cuddled up with your significant other, nuzzling, nipping, smooching, caressing, whatever.  You can do it; I'm sure you've done it before.  Imagining, that is.

The moment is right.  The positions are assumed, expectations are high, hormones are running amok, and penetration is imminent.

All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, a shapeless blob of humanity jumps right on your back, wraps her arms around your neck and her legs around your hips, presses herself down upon you, and hangs on for what she expects to be a wild and crazy ride.  What will you do?  What can you do?

Well, you could invite her to join in on the fun.  But, see, if you're, say, a manatee, you probably don't think like that.  If you're a manatee, you've just been thrown off your game, which is making other manatees.  And that's exactly what happened when one woman thought her need for a joy ride was more critical than a manatee's need to procreate.

Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez was on the beach at Ft De Soto when she saw manatees in the process of copulating.

I can't pretend to understand what she was thinking.  I can understand folks who share my levels of education and experience, but I draw a headache-inducing blank when trying to understand the cognitively challenged.  And since I retired from teaching mostly high school freshmen, I no longer even try.

Anyway, perhaps Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez thought she'd make the manatees' up close and personal interaction a three-some.  Perhaps she thought she'd make the male's fantasies a reality while she taught the female the real definition of animal sex.  I suspect she wasn't thinking at all.

Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez (anyone with four or more names ought to be accorded the respect of being addressed by all of them, don't you think?) propelled herself up onto the back of the male and engulfed him with a grip worthy of adoption by MMA combatants.

Manatees are, by nature, slow-moving, laid back creatures.  When Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez didn't get the dolphin-like hyper-drive ride through the waves she expected, she gave up and released her death hold.  The manatees, wondering WTF just happened, if they wonder at all, just swam off, the moment having passed.

Gracias, Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez.  Thanks for the cold shower.